SIGNS TO LOOK FOR
Worried that your boyfriend, husband, or friend might be depressed? Learn to spot common and frequently-missed signs to better understand what he’s going through.
Worried that your boyfriend, husband, or friend might be depressed? Learn to spot common and frequently-missed signs to better understand what he’s going through.
THE FIRST STEP IN HELPING SOMEONE IS KNOWING WHAT TO LOOK FOR.
Though it doesn’t get talked about often, depression among men is quite common. Many men experience depression at some point in their lives – and successfully overcome it with the right support and treatment.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, boyfriend, husband, partner, or co-worker, supporting someone and showing that you genuinely care can make all the difference to their recovery.
The support process begins with first being able to recognize that a man is suffering. This page provides an overview of the signs (both common and overlooked) of depression in men.
Being able to spot depression in another person, especially men, is not always straight-forward.
It can sometimes be difficult to tell when a man we care about is simply going through a rough patch rather than dealing with a more serious issue, like depression.
Some men may:
While each of the signs described below may not be a clear indicator on its own, the more frequently we notice them and the longer they have been occurring (more than two weeks), the more likely it is that he may be suffering from depression.
The signs you notice will differ based on your relationship with the man you’re concerned about. For example, partners will have a better idea of their boyfriend’s or husband’s sleep patterns and sex drive, while co-workers are more likely to notice if he’s having difficulty concentrating at work.
Paying attention to patterns and changes over time is key to understanding when to offer support. Signs that are more typically associated with depression, according to diagnostic criteria, include:
Our page on How to Help Someone Manage Suicide Risk explores how to help a man assess and respond to thoughts of suicide, as well as effective ways to support him during a crisis.
If you’re concerned about your partner, our article What to Do When Your Husband, Boyfriend, or Partner is Suicidal offers guidance on how to recognize the signs, have a conversation, create a safe space, and encourage him to seek help.
Research shows that some men experience and express depression through externalized behaviours (e.g., anger/irritability, substance misuse, denying emotions, risk-taking) that fall outside current diagnostic criteria for depression, leading to an under-recognition of depression in men.[1]
These expressions of depression often stem from social pressures and expectations around ‘being a man’ (more formally known as masculine socialization, i.e., the ways through which society teaches boys to be men). These pressures include an emphasis on independence, stoicism, and toughness.
Because of expectations to conform to these masculine ‘norms’, some men may be unable and/or unwilling to show or share with others that they are suffering out of fear of being viewed as weak.
Additional ways depression can show up in men, include:
For many men, anger is viewed as a more socially acceptable emotion to express than sadness or hopelessness. Anger often stems from deeper emotional struggles that are difficult to articulate.
Anger is a common issue for men. Our Self-Guided Course for Managing Anger is designed to help guys recognize, understand, and manage anger.
It’s easier for some guys to talk about feeling ‘stressed’, as it carries less stigma than saying they’re feeling down or depressed.
Depression can make people feel like their lives have no value. This can result in caring less about their actions, their consequences, and their safety.
The mind and body are closely connected, so when a guy is feeling depressed, these emotions can sometimes manifest physically, especially for men who don’t or seemingly can’t communicate their feelings to others.
Because aches, pains, and other physical symptoms can have various causes, it’s important for him to consult a family doctor to identify potential reasons and explore treatment options.
If a man mentions experiencing sexual difficulties or if you are a partner of a man who experiences sexual difficulties, be aware that depression may be contributing.
However, sexual difficulties can also be caused by a variety of other factors, such as medication side effects, physical health problems, or relationship issues. It’s important to encourage him to consult with a healthcare provider to determine the underlying cause.
If the man you’re concerned about is your boyfriend, husband, or partner: you may be in a better position to notice these signs, which he might be less likely to mention or discuss with others.
Men who are experiencing depression often pull away from friends and family. They may be embarrassed for you to see them unwell or may not want to burden you with their problems.
Social isolation is a significant concern, as it reduces the chances for others to notice how he is doing, limits social engagement and connection, and makes it less likely for him to reach out and receive support.
If the man you’re concerned about is your boyfriend, husband, or partner: you may feel like he’s pushing you away, seeming indifferent or less interested in spending time together, or no longer putting in the same effort into the relationship.
Explore effective ways to support a guy who might be socially withdrawing.
People often drink alcohol as a way to unwind, relieve stress, or have fun with friends. When struggling with depression, a guy may be more tempted to use alcohol as a way to numb negative emotions or to help himself fall asleep.
Signs that a man is using alcohol to manage depression include:
Unhealthy drinking (i.e., drinking too much, too frequently) and depression are strong risk factors for one another.
Learn how to support a friend who may be drinking to cope.
Like alcohol, other drugs may seem to offer men a simple way to alter their mood. In the moment, substances might make him feel more confident, elated, or calm. However, increased drug use can also be a sign of depression, especially if:
Sometimes, substance use, especially when the drug in question has effects like euphoria or high energy, can mask many of the other signs of depression. While some may assume that a guy who takes illicit drugs is simply a partier, the truth may be more complex—he could be using substances to cope with or escape deeper struggles.
Being in a relationship with someone who is experiencing depression can be stressful, as we want to support him but may be unsure of how to do so effectively. This can be especially challenging if he is resistant to talking about his feelings and pushes you away. You might also be worried about how to handle the situation without overwhelming him or making things worse.
It’s important to recognize that depression is not something he can simply “snap out of”. It takes time to heal, and throughout this process, your support and consistency can make a significant difference. Even if he is not receptive at first, letting him know you care takes the pressure off him to hide things and can help lay the groundwork for him to seek support.
Additional resources for partners:
In isolation, any one of the signs described above may not indicate depression. However, if a man you know has been experiencing these signs for a while (more than two weeks), and they’re having a significant impact on his everyday work, social, family or love life, then it’s time to start a conversation.
To help guide you, visit our page on Starting a Conversation about depression.
Next Step:
References
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