Providing Sustainable Support
Remember to look after yourself when providing support and helping someone with depression.
Remember to look after yourself when providing support and helping someone with depression.
Taking care of yourself is the first and most important step in being an empathic and resilient supporter
Depression impacts all aspects of a man’s life – how he thinks, behaves, and interacts with others. This can be hard to understand and accept, potentially leaving us feeling frustrated, angry, guilty, or sad. If we don’t pay attention to and address these feelings, they can wear us down and, in turn, impact the support we are able to provide.
It’s important to make sure that our efforts to support someone who is struggling with depression don’t compromise our own health.
While it is natural to want to help solve the problems of someone close to us, remember that depression is a complex illness that we alone, as supporters, can’t solve for someone else. Overcoming depression requires the committed effort of the individual himself, along with his support system – which, whenever possible, should include professional support.
Depression isn’t something that anyone can simply “fix” overnight. The road to recovery is a long one, often filled with bumps along the way. Patience and persistence are required for this journey (for both the man going through it and his support system).
When supporting a man dealing with depression, try to remain conscious of your own feelings before, throughout, and after the process. Check in on yourself – what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, and how you’re keeping up with your own priorities. Do you find yourself…
Know that these kinds of feelings are common and it’s OK to get frustrated or disheartened while supporting a person who is battling depression.
Understand that these feelings can be a signal that your support may be impacting you negatively and possibly resulting in burnout or compassion fatigue.[1] Also, such feelings can often give us insight to what the other person is feeling himself.
Taking on too much responsibility and pressure in support of another person can quickly get overwhelming. If you need a break, be honest and work toward more sustainable levels of support.
Setting boundaries is not only crucial for a supporter’s wellbeing, but also for ensuring mutual understanding, accountability, and responsibility in your relationship with the man who is struggling.[2, 3]
Here are some examples of different types of boundaries that may be helpful to clarify.
On your time and energy
What you can say:
Around conflicts of interest
Sometimes we want to help, but aren’t the best person to do so because of potential conflicts of interest.
What you can say:
On the type of and amount of support you can offer
Remind yourself that there is a limit to the support you can offer, and that you can’t be expected to fill the role of a health professional.
Supporting a man with depression can be a difficult and complex role – this is why we have professional supporters (mental health professionals) who possess years of training and experience.
What you can say:
While your support is likely a valued and substantial part of his recovery journey, it’s not professional help and thus, you are not a substitute for him having professional support.
Whether your support for a guy is taking a toll on you or not, self-care is helpful to keep yourself in a good head-space. Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated; simple, easy habits can help you refresh your mind, relieve stress or negative emotions, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Implementing better self-care can include:
This will not only help ensure that you put your best foot forward when helping someone, but that your prolonged support for him will not end up slowly chipping away at you.
It can be a grind helping someone with depression tackle such a tough illness. If you find that the self-care tips aren’t quite enough, getting some support for ourselves can help keep us buoyed. If you feel like you need a boost, reach out to friends and family, talk to a therapist, or try attending a support group for people in similar situations (which are becoming more common nowadays).
Remember that there is nothing selfish about prioritising your own wellbeing; taking care of yourself is the first and most important step in being an empathetic and resilient supporter.
References:
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