ANGRY THINKING
Our thoughts about a situation can quickly blow things out of proportion just as much as the instinctual feelings.
Our thoughts about a situation can quickly blow things out of proportion just as much as the instinctual feelings.
Our anger gets more intense, and triggered more often, when we fall into negative thinking patterns
How we think about and interpret a situation (especially things people are saying or doing) plays a big role in how angry we feel.
When I started to really take a closer look at what was happening in my brain when I got angry, I realised how far from reality I’ve been soaring” – Toby, 34
Here are some of the most common negative thinking patterns (more formally known as ‘cognitive distortions’) to watch out for:
Overgeneralizing involves drawing broad and sweeping conclusions about oneself, others, or the world based on limited or isolated instances of experience
For example, we might think:
We all hold beliefs about how the world ‘should’ be, or how people ‘must’ or need to behave, which we (often unknowingly) use to judge others or ourselves. This way of thinking can also make us feel like we’re ‘owed’ certain things or that we should be treated in a certain way.
For example, we might think:
Some guys get into the habit of assigning blame when things go wrong, often:
For example, we might think:
We do this when we only imagine things going as badly as possible. In small doses, worrying can help us be prepared for when things go wrong, but it’s exhausting and stressful to always assume the worst.
For example, we might think:
This means making ‘snap judgements’ about a situation because we think we already know what’s going to happen. Sometimes we assume we can read other peoples’ minds, or know exactly what they ‘really’ meant by a comment (but usually our interpretations are much more negative).
These jumps in thinking can lead to major misunderstandings and arguments.
For example, we might think:
Sometimes we get caught up in focusing only on the bad, and forget all about the good. If we get used to thinking this way, everything can seem irritating – aggravating us to the point where our anger is constantly blown out of proportion.
For example, we might think:
We can get used to thinking in extremes, with nothing in between ‘good’ and ‘bad’. But thinking like this can make things a lot more stressful and feed into our anger, especially since real-world situations are rarely black and white.
For example, we might think:
This happens when we interpret things as personal attacks against us and our character. Often when we’re thinking this way, we’re reading too much into a situation and making negative assumptions. Some guys also have a lot of negative self-talk and are their own worst critics, which often stems from underlying self-esteem issues.
For example, we might think:
If we can slow down and examine our thoughts when we are angry, we’ll probably notice some of these negative thought patterns that are keeping our anger going or making it worse.
Knowing which thought patterns are connected to our anger is the first step in working toward reframing these thoughts into more balanced and objective ones. If looking for negative thought patterns is connecting with you, see our article on 16 Negative Thought Patterns in Depression for more common cognitive distortions.
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