Sex and Relationships

If we’re feeling low or distant and don’t communicate how we’re feeling, our partners won’t understand what we’re going through. We should muster the strength to sit down with our partners and have serious conversations about how we’re feeling. It can be tough, but that open dialogue about depression is essential for our relationships and will actually help bring couples closer together.

Sometimes depression can make things seem worse than they actually are.  If you feel like something isn’t quite right in your relationship, check in with your partner to see how things are going from their perspective.

When we’re depressed, putting thoughts into words can be hard.  In this case, we can use actions to show our affection. Simple things like holding hands, hugging, or a gentle caress on the back are helpful ways to let our partners know that we care for them. Not only do these kinds of actions improve the bond with our partners, they also release brain chemicals that help improve our moods.

Another way to show our partners that we’re there for them is to help out around the house. Doing our part to help with the dishes, laundry, or preparing a meal cuts down time for chores and gives more time for the two of you to do things together.

Spontaneity can keep a relationship fresh, but when we’re depressed, being spontaneous can be a challenge. In this case, plan for fun (like going out for dinner or a movie) rather than waiting around for it to just happen. This way, we have something to look forward to – enjoying quality time with our partners.

When we’re depressed, it’s common to retreat inward.  This can leave our partner feeling left out and ignored.  Even if we don’t feel like talking much, offering the occasional compliment to our partner doesn’t take much effort but can go a long way to letting them know that they still matter to us.

A big part of feeling connected to our partners is being able to share – including sharing conversation.  Make yourself available to your partner to share in conversation, even if it’s about mundane day-to-day things.  We all appreciate a good listener, so even if you don’t want to talk much, be attentive to what your partner is saying.

Depression can be accompanied by different sex-related issues (loss of sexual desire, loss of ability to achieve an erection or an orgasm).  It’s important to keep our partners tuned into things that are making sex difficult for us. Otherwise, we risk having our partners feel that we’ve lost interest in them.

Touching our partners in an affectionate manner can go a long way in alleviating any tension we might be feeling and can help put us and our partners in the mood for sex. Physical touch is really important for both of you.

Intimate sex is much more than intercourse.  Kisses, hugs, and intimate talk are all a part of good sex.

We need to be in the right frame of mind for enjoyable sex – go out for dinner, go for a walk, or simply spend some downtime at home with our partners. These activities help us and our partners feel relaxed and connected. When we get down to business, we shouldn’t spend our time worrying about performance – just about enjoying being in the moment.

Very few people have the dazzling sex lives that Hollywood films portray. Enjoy and accept each other as you are.  It frees us from unrealistic expectations that can make a mess of lovemaking.

One of the many known benefits of exercise is increased sex drive. Exercise can help us feel healthier, more confident, and perform better.

Visit places where you feel comfortable; it could be a community centre, neighbourhood pub, or coffee shop. The point is to get out of the house and into places where you have the possibility of meeting people. Act on invitations when you get them, even if you might feel slightly out of your comfort zone.

This is a great way to connect, especially if we are uncomfortable meeting people in social settings. The nature of online dating can also open us up to rejection as not all our messages will be returned. Remember this is not a reflection of our true worth and what we have to offer.

An easy way to start a conversation is to ask someone what brought them to wherever you both are. You might not know anything about the person, and they might not know anything about you, but what you already have in common is being at the same place. Be curious about the person and try to find out a bit more about them and what brought them there.

Depression can eat away at a guy’s self-esteem, but it’s important to remember that depression is not who we are.  Rather, it’s a health condition (like high blood pressure, for example) and it doesn’t make us any less worthy and interesting than the next guy.  There are people out there that want to get to know you.

Watch Rich’s Tip Video: Starting a Relationship.

Opening ourselves up is necessary to build a meaningful relationship. It can be a little scary to put ourselves out there and risk having things not work out. It can take time to find the right fit, but the effort is worth the reward.

It’s often best to not bring up significant personal issues on the first date. Instead, we should allow our relationships to progress naturally and then let the person know once you start to get to know each other on a deeper level. When we do decide to talk about it, be thoughtful in how we present it. Let the other person know that it is something that you deal with and manage just like any other illness.