How to Overcome a Lack of Meaning or Purpose
Many guys presume that meaning in life has to come from their job, but while one’s job or career can provide meaning, it is by far not the only thing.
Pleasure, meaning, and motivation can most often be found in small acts, adding to your life and perhaps those of others.
Fifty percent of men who’ve completed our Stress Test report that a lack of meaning or purpose is a major stressor in their lives. Despite how common it is among men, feeling a lack of meaning or purpose in one’s life is not something a lot of men talk about.
Happiness, meaning, and purpose can be found in the simplest of things. Don’t assume that an activity has to be some huge altruistic, ‘save the planet’ type of thing to have purpose or meaning. Pleasure, meaning, and motivation can most often be found in small acts, adding to your life and perhaps those of others.
Philosopher and psychologist Viktor Frankl proposed three values that are key to finding meaning in life: creative values, experiential values, and attitudinal values.
Each of these values offers pathways to a greater sense of purpose:
Creative Values
Creative values involve finding a sense of purpose through engaging in meaningful work. This could be in your profession or career, artistic pursuits, contributing to your community, volunteering, or other actions focused on creation or improvement.
- Artistic Pursuits: Engaging in art, like painting, ceramics, or wood carving, provides great opportunities to exercise your brain in a different way and express yourself beyond words. The focus should be on the process and enjoyment of being creative rather than selling or displaying your work.
- Community Contribution: Volunteering at a seniors’ home, fundraising for a food bank, or coaching a little league sports team can significantly benefit your community while enhancing your sense of purpose.
- Personal Projects: Pursue interests like learning a new language, brewing beer, making pasta, or creating furniture from broken hockey sticks. These activities can be deeply fulfilling and help you connect with others who share your interests.
Experiential Values
Experiential values refer to finding meaning through personal experiences and encounters with the world around us. Meaningful relationships, experiencing awe and exploring the natural world are central aspects of this.
- Nature and Exploration: Even a short overnight camping trip can significantly reset your perspective and provide a break from unhealthy habits. If you enjoy using a local hiking trail, help maintain it by picking up trash or making small repairs. This way, you enjoy nature and contribute to the pleasure of others who use the trail.
- Relationships and Events: Build meaningful relationships with family, friends, and a romantic partner. Go to concerts, visit galleries, or participate in community events. These small experiences collectively contribute to a complex and encompassing feeling of connection and calm.
- Mindfulness and Reflection: Practicing mindfulness and meditation helps you appreciate the present moment and gain a deeper understanding of your thoughts and emotions. This practice can foster a sense of peace and meaning in your daily life.
- Our free self-guided course on Mindfulness For Men can help you to develop these skills.
Attitudinal Values
Attitudinal values refer to how you interpret and approach life’s circumstances, especially those beyond your control. Pain, suffering, and difficult situations are often unavoidable. Despite this, we do have some choice in how we respond to negative events
- Acceptance and Resilience: Learn to accept things you cannot change, which builds resilience, grace, and courage. Reframing suffering can be extremely challenging, but it is one way to find some meaning in it.
- Stick to Your Core Values: Uphold your ethics, principles, and core beliefs, particularly in the face of challenges and setbacks. This steadfastness can cultivate a sense of purpose even during tough times.
- Positive Reframing: Practice looking at situations from a different perspective to find positive aspects or opportunities for growth. This mindset can help you navigate challenges with a sense of purpose and optimism.
- We have a free online course on Rewiring Negative Thoughts that can help to get you started.
When men are stressed or feeling down, it’s harder to feel like they have purpose, find pleasure, and appreciate what they offer to others in their lives and communities. Working on this takes time, patience, goal setting, and follow-up. Stick with it, and you will learn what motivates you and makes you happy – this can be more than one thing and may change over time.
By being curious, exploring interests, appreciating the small things in our lives, and believing we all have something to contribute, we can begin to find meaning and purpose in life. This is no small task, though, and usually doesn’t come easily. Support from a professional therapist or counsellor can be invaluable, so don’t hesitate to reach out. If this is a particular point of psychological distress for you and Frankl’s ideas around creative values, experiential values, and attitudinal values appeal to you, you may want to look for a psychologist specializing in logotherapy (a therapeutic approach that centers the pursuit of meaning in life).
Remember that it’s possible to find meaning and purpose in both significant achievements and everyday moments. Major accomplishments and small, uplifting actions, whether for yourself or others, can contribute to a deeper sense of fulfillment.