Loneliness is a common and deeply human experience, and something that affects far more people than many realize. More than 45% of men who have completed our Stress Test indicate that it’s one of the top stressors in their lives. This is also reflected globally, with various studies suggesting that, at any given time, around one in six people globally report being lonely.^[1]

In many countries, loneliness has reached levels that public health experts describe as a growing crisis.^[2,3] It’s linked to poorer mental health, substance misuse, and even higher rates of physical illness and early mortality.^[4]

Understanding why loneliness happens, what prevents us from reaching out, and how to rebuild meaningful connections is essential to improving mental health and saving lives.

What Is Loneliness?

Loneliness is not simply being alone. It’s the painful feeling of lacking meaningful connection; of feeling unseen, unheard, or emotionally disconnected from others. Someone can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, while another person may spend time alone but feel quite connected.

Loneliness is a signal that our need for closeness, belonging, and understanding is not being met. Think of it in a similar way to thirst or hunger, which alert us to the need for water and nourishment. Over time, persistent loneliness can erode confidence, dampen motivation, and make everyday life feel heavier and more exhausting.

Loneliness in Men

Many men carry loneliness quietly, pushing through work, responsibilities, and daily life while feeling disconnected, unseen, or emotionally isolated inside.

Chronic loneliness increases the risk of depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and suicide.^[5,6] Yet many men never speak about it, believing they should be able to handle it on their own. For men, loneliness often shows up as:

Feeling emotionally disconnected
Having no one to talk to about real concerns
Feeling misunderstood or unseen
Losing a sense of belonging
Pulling away socially, even while craving connection
Over time, loneliness can quietly drain energy, motivation, confidence, and hope.

Factors That Contribute to Loneliness

Loneliness rarely has a single cause. More often, it develops through a combination of life circumstances, emotional challenges, and social changes. For example:

Relationship Breakdown

The end of a romantic relationship, marriage, or long-term partnership can be one of the most powerful triggers of loneliness. These relationships often provide us with emotional support, companionship, daily routines, and social connection. When they end, we can suddenly find ourselves without our primary source of closeness, and, in many cases, distanced from shared friends or family networks as well.

Relocation

Relocation for work, education, or personal reasons can disrupt social networks that took years to build. Starting fresh in a new city or country often means leaving behind friends, family, co-workers, and familiar routines. While moving can be exciting, it can also bring a sense of isolation, particularly during the early months.

Work Changes

Job loss, retirement, career shifts, or remote work can all reduce daily social interaction. For many of us, work is a central source of identity, purpose, and connection. When this structure changes or disappears, loneliness can quietly creep in.

Mental Health Challenges

Depression, anxiety, trauma, and stress can all increase feelings of isolation. These difficulties often cause us to withdraw socially, reduce communication, or believe we are a burden to others. Unfortunately, this withdrawal tends to deepen loneliness rather than relieve it.

Major Life Stressors

Grief, illness, injury, caregiving responsibilities, and financial strain can also shrink social worlds. During difficult times, we might feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or unsure how to ask for support, precisely when connection matters most.

Why Men Struggle to Reach Out

Although loneliness is widespread, it’s not uncommon for us to suffer in silence. Several factors can make reaching out feel difficult or even impossible. Even when loneliness becomes painful, many men hesitate to seek support due to powerful internal and social barriers:

Stigma and Shame

Loneliness is often misunderstood as a personal failure rather than a natural human experience. Many of us can feel embarrassed to admit that we are lonely, worrying we will be judged as weak, needy, or socially inadequate.

Not Knowing Who to Reach Out To — or How

Some of us might feel we have no one we can turn to. Others may want support but are unsure how to start the conversation or worry about what kind of response they’ll get. Over time, uncertainty can lead to stagnation.

Fear of Burdening Others

A common belief is, “Everyone else is busy. I don’t want to bother them.” This fear prevents many of us from reaching out, even to close friends or family. Yet, people often feel quite touched and valued when asked for support.

Masculine Norms and Expectations

For many men, social messages about masculinity create additional barriers. Norms that emphasize toughness, emotional control, independence, and self-reliance can make it feel unsafe to share that they feel lonely. Men may worry that opening up will make them appear weak, vulnerable, or inadequate.

As a result, many men cope with loneliness alone, turning to distraction, overwork, substances, or emotional shutdown. These strategies may temporarily distract from or numb pain, but they ultimately deepen isolation.

The Impact of Chronic Loneliness

Long-term loneliness doesn’t just affect our emotional well-being, it impacts our physical health as well.

Research shows that persistent loneliness is linked to:

Increased risk of mental health difficulties, like depression and anxiety^[5]
Higher rates of substance misuse^[7]
Sleep problems^[8]
Elevated blood pressure and cardiovascular risk^[9,10]
Weakened immune function^[11,12]
Increased risk of early death

Loneliness can also distort thinking, leading people to assume rejection, misinterpret social cues, and withdraw further, thus creating a self-reinforcing cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break.

Practical Strategies for Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness is not a personal failure and it is not permanent. With patience, courage, and small steps, meaningful connections can be rebuilt. We are all worthy of friendship and connection, and there are a lot more people out there looking for human connection than we realize.

1. Understand where your loneliness is coming from

Fighting loneliness requires being honest with yourself and finding out why you feel alone.

There are three main overlapping reasons why people feel lonely:

A) Comparing and judging yourself

This is an easy trap to fall into, especially with social media. We see people posting photos with their friends and/or partner and we judge ourselves as not being as good or worthy of the deeper connections it looks like they have (even though their photos may not represent what their life really looks like).

B) Anxiety around talking to others and making connections.

Everyone has different levels of stress and anxiety in social situations; for some, it can be intense enough that it prevents them from forming relationships. Whether you have a lot of social anxiety or are simply a little shy in large groups, it’s important to understand this and acknowledge that making new connections makes all of us a little anxious at first.

C) Not letting people in

Forming more meaningful relationships means having someone you can trust, but if you never give someone a chance to really know you, your connections can get stuck at more superficial levels.

When you are honest and authentic with others, it shows your confidence and trust in them, which in turn makes it easier for them to trust you.

2. Redefine Strength

Many men were taught that strength means handling everything alone. But isolation isn’t resilience.

Real strength looks like:

Speaking honestly
Asking for support
Staying connected even when it feels uncomfortable
Choosing growth over silence

Reaching out is an act of self-respect and an acknowledgement that you’re human.

3. Start With One Small Reach-Out

Connection has the best chance of forming when it starts small.

Simple messages that work:

“Hey, just remembered that time we […]. We haven’t caught up in a while. Want to grab coffee this week?”
“Hey man, it’s been a while. How’ve things been on your end?”
“Thinking of checking out that new spot on Main Street. Interested in joining?”
“Just saw [band/artist/musician] is coming to town next month. Want to go?”

Action steps:

Send one message today, even if just to say hello.
Make one plan each week, no matter how small.
Aim for progress, not comfort or instant connection.

Strengthen Existing Connections First

It’s often easier to reconnect than to start from scratch.

Think about:

An old friend you lost touch with
A coworker you get along with
A family member you haven’t checked in on

Many people are also looking for deeper connections, so you might be helping them as much as yourself.

4. Build Connection Through Shared Activities

Men often bond best by doing something together.

Shared activities reduce pressure and make conversation more natural.

Low-pressure ways to meet people:

Join a sports league, martial arts club, hiking group, or gym class
Take a class or workshop
Volunteer for a cause you care about
Join a gaming, music, or hobby group
Check Meetup or local Facebook groups
If you don’t have one, offer to take a friend’s dog for a walk (or consider adoption – you get companionship and natural social opportunities)

5. Build Structure Into Your Week

Loneliness grows in unstructured time. Routine social activities build stability and belonging.

Ways to add structure:

Schedule weekly workouts, walks, or coffee breaks
Set a recurring coffee with a friend
Join a standing group activity
Plan one social activity each week

Consistency matters more than intensity, as relationships often take time to build. More opportunities for connection also means you get more practice socialising, starting conversations, and breaking the ice with new people.

6. Treat Connection Like a Skill You Can Train

Whenever you ask a new person to hang out, ask a co-worker to meet up on the weekend, or want to take the next step in your relationship, you face the possibility of rejection, which risks real hurt and discomfort. This discomfort feels bad in the moment, but it’s only by working through it that we can expand our comfort zone to include more interactions, and ultimately, more social connections.

Think of it like learning to swim in a pool. You can start in the shallow end, but to reach the other side, you need to gradually build up the skills, strength, confidence, and perseverance to reach those depths.

Socialising and opening up can be awkward or painful, but that’s okay. Someone not wanting to spend time with you doesn’t change what you have to offer and is not a reflection of your worthiness, and often has more to do with the other person’s priorities at the time.

Learning how to brace yourself and not take rejection too personally is a crucial skill, and is also one that requires practice.

Social confidence improves with repetition and practice. Expect some rejection, discomfort and awkwardness along the way, just like you expect some sore muscles after a gym workout. That discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re getting better.

Practical goals:

Send one message per day (even just “Hey 🙂 hope your week’s going well.”)
Make one plan per week.
Aim for progress, not comfort.

Try not to focus on whether someone will become a “great friend” immediately. Let relationships grow naturally over time.

7. Talk About How You’re Really Doing (Start Small)

It’s common for men to have fears around “looking weak” or “making things awkward” when we want to open up about how we’re feeling. This is really common, since most guys learn from childhood (either implicitly or explicitly) that men keep their feelings to themselves.

But opening up is crucial to build real connection that extends beyond surface-level friendship. You don’t need to share everything at once, but gradually being more open and honest with close friends will deepen trust over time.

Start with manageable honesty:

“I’ve been a bit off lately.”
“Life’s felt a little heavier lately.”
“Things have been harder than I let on.”
“I’ve missed having regular catch-ups.”
“I’ve realized I’ve been keeping to myself more than I should.”
“It’s been a weird couple of weeks for me.”

Most men are carrying more than they show, so when one guy articulates a struggle they’re dealing with, it often creates relief for the other guy, not discomfort. Vulnerability gives the other person permission to be honest as well and ultimately builds real connection.

8. Seek Professional or Peer Support

If loneliness continues to weigh on you, getting support is a smart move, and doesn’t need to be left as a last resort.

A therapist, counsellor, or trained peer supporter can:

Provide a confidential, judgement free space
Help you understand what’s blocking connection
Build practical social strategies with you
Strengthen your confidence
Help you brace for rejection
Address depression or anxiety that may be intertwined with loneliness

Loneliness is a major and leading risk factor for depression, and can affect mental and physical health over time. It is also very treatable, and worth taking seriously. Getting professional help is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, rather, it’s a sign of self-respect as it shows that you’re taking your health, personal wellbeing, and relationships seriously.

Find A Therapist

Finally: Be Patient With Yourself

Meaningful connection takes time.

There may be:

Awkward conversations
Unreturned messages
Plans that fall through

That’s normal.

Every small step counts. Every message sent, every activity joined, every honest conversation moves you closer to the connection you deserve.

Loneliness can feel overwhelming, but it does not define who we are, and it does not have to be permanent. Human beings are wired for connection, and with the right support, those connections can be rebuilt.

If you’re feeling lonely, know that you’re not alone in this experience. Reaching out – even in small ways – can begin to shift isolation into connection, silence into understanding, and loneliness into belonging.

So, whether you are feeling lonely or know someone who is struggling with loneliness, reach out. After all, we are better together.

References

Organization, W. H. (2025). From loneliness to social connection: Charting a path to healthier societies: Report of the WHO commission on social connection. World Health Organization.
https://bigthink.com/the-present/japan-loneliness-minister/
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/17/world/europe/uk-britain-loneliness.html
https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness
Mann, F., Wang, J., Pearce, E. et al. Loneliness and the onset of new mental health problems in the general population. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 57, 2161–2178 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-022-02261-7
Moon, D. U., Kim, H., Jung, J., Han, K., & Jeon, H. J. (2025). Suicide risk and living alone with depression or anxiety. JAMA Network Open, 8(3), e251227. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2025.1227
Rhew, I. C., Cadigan, J. M., Guttmannova, K., Caouette, J. D., Kuklinski, M. R., & Oesterle, S. (2025). The Longitudinal Relationship of Loneliness With Frequency and Problematic Use of Alcohol and Cannabis Among Young Adults. The Journal of Adolescent Health, 77(5), 917–923. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2025.06.037
Deng, M., Qian, M., Lv, J., Guo, C., & Yu, M. (2023). The association between loneliness and sleep quality among older adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Geriatric Nursing (New York, N.Y.), 49, 94–100. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.gerinurse.2022.11.013
Hawkley, L. C., Thisted, R. A., Masi, C. M., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure: 5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132–141. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017805
Valtorta, N. K., Kanaan, M., Gilbody, S., & Hanratty, B. (2018). Loneliness, social isolation and risk of cardiovascular disease in the english longitudinal study of ageing. European Journal of Preventive Cardiology, 25(13), 1387-1396. https://doi.org/10.1177/2047487318792696
Zilioli, S., & Jiang, Y. (2021). Endocrine and immunomodulatory effects of social isolation and loneliness across adulthood. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 128, 105194. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2021.105194
Leschak, C. J., & Eisenberger, N. I. (2019). Two Distinct Immune Pathways Linking Social Relationships With Health: Inflammatory and Antiviral Processes. Psychosomatic Medicine, 81(8), 711–719. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000685

Understanding Loneliness and How to Overcome It