How to Talk with Your Partner
Here are four tips to developing better communication between you and your girlfriend, wife, or partner.
Here are four tips to developing better communication between you and your girlfriend, wife, or partner.
Good communication is essential for a healthy romantic relationship.
In order to work toward getting what we need in a relationship, and provide our partner with what they need, we have to be able to express ourselves clearly.” – Jackson, 28
The first section of the course is about communication. All relationships have ups and downs, but effective communication can make it easier to deal with challenges and build a stronger and healthier connection.
The benefits of good communication cannot be overstated. It not only helps to avoid misunderstandings, but also helps:
We’ve divided our practical tips on communication into four parts:
Let’s get started on the first three below.
Feeling heard and understood by those close to us is a basic human need. One of the most important aspects of communication isn’t about what we say, it’s about what we do – listen.
Listening to our partners shows respect and (without even saying a word) signals that we are interested in them and what they have to say.
If we don’t listen to what each other wants and needs, we’re more likely to miss the mark, which can lead to frustration, feeling neglected, and feeling as if we don’t matter to the other person.
Sometimes we are actually listening to our partners, but it doesn’t come across as if we are. So, we want to work on active listening – that is, listening carefully and intentionally in order to show we truly care about our partner and what they have to say.
Active listening is when we demonstrate to the speaker that we understand and are engaged in what they are saying. This is in contrast to passive listening, where the listener doesn’t provide signals of paying attention to the person speaking (even if we are thinking about what our partner is saying in our head).
A lot of communication has to do with our body language, and how our partners perceive us. Our partners can’t tell if we’re listening if our bodies are not communicating that to them. This makes it more likely for them to think we simply are not listening at all. Practicing active listening also helps us to remember what we hear, so we’re less likely to forget to follow up on things later.
The following are some practical tips to let our partners know we are paying attention.
Make use of our body language
Use simple and easy encouragers
Using “uh-huh”, “mmm”, and “yeah” while our partners are speaking demonstrates that we’re following along (while not interrupting).
Ask open-ended questions
This means asking our partner to elaborate and help us better understand a situation, or their side of an issue. Try to avoid asking questions that can be responded to with one word answers.
Summarize and reflect
Lastly, we can show someone that we’re listening by summarizing what they said in our own words.
In this day and age, we often find ourselves behind some type of electronic device or platform when having conversations, including with our romantic partner. That’s fine for light conversation, however, when we’re having a serious conversation with our partner, it’s best to do it in person.
Even if you both prefer texting, emotions and intentions don’t always come across clearly through texts. Sometimes what we meant to say can be misinterpreted, causing unnecessary arguments. If something more serious comes up through text, it can be a good idea to recap things the next time you see your partner in person.
Sometimes (especially if we’re married or living with our partner), we can get caught up in all the serious stuff like finances or kids. But taking a break from that and having light-hearted conversations or sharing funny stories can really make a difference in our relationships. Talk about the things you both enjoy and share some laughs together. Even something as simple as sending a funny meme can help keep things playful and positive, especially during stressful times.
This one may sound simple, but saying nice things about your partner (e.g., complimenting their outfit, congratulating them on achieving a goal, or simply letting them know how much they mean to you) can go a long way to improving your bond.
While implementing these skills may take some time and practice, they can significantly improve the quality of our relationships.
The next page will take us through a more structured approach to express our wants and needs more clearly.
References:
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