Any reference to suicide or death should be taken very seriously. Whether he says things like “I wish I was dead,” or seems preoccupied with death and wanting to escape from life, there may be reason for concern.

Expressions of having no hope for the future, feeling trapped, or self-loathing may be indicators of suicidal thinking. A guy might say something like “there’s nothing left for me” or “what’s the point?”.

This could manifest as giving away possessions, saying goodbye to friends and family, or suddenly putting personal and business affairs in order.

If a guy has isolated himself from others (which is unusual for him), he may be at risk of thinking about suicide.

With some guys a direct question is best; with others a softer approach may be better. Start with what you feel comfortable asking and go from there.

What you can say:

• “You seem especially down recently, how are you doing these days?”
• “Do you think about or wish you could escape from life and be rid of all this?”
• “Are you thinking about hurting yourself”
• “Do you want to end your life?”

Encourage the guy to talk about what’s going on and to be honest.

What you can say:

• “I want to support you, but you have to be honest about how you’re doing for me to be able to know how I can help.”
• “What type of thoughts have you been having?”
• “Tell me about it – we’ve got time, I’m here to listen.”

Reassure him that, as painful as things may feel right now, depression is treatable.  Let him know that you are there to help him through this.

What you can say:

• “Just know that you aren’t alone and I’m here whenever you need me.”
• “I know it’s hard to believe now, but many guys have gotten better from depression and thinking about ending their lives.
• “I know how strong you are. You can do this. We can do this together.”

When a person is having suicidal thoughts they are in a tremendous amount of pain. He may turn to alcohol or other substances to numb his pain, but these substances can make depression worse and dangerously lower his ability to fight suicidal thoughts. As much as might be possible, try to limit his access to alcohol or other substances if he is struggling with thoughts of suicide.

Regularly check-in and invite him to contact you anytime to voice how he is feeling. His recovery may be a long process and you want him to remember you’re there if he ever needs you.

If he hasn’t already, encourage him to consult a professional. You may want to offer making appointments for him or providing transportation to appointments. If you don’t know which services to suggest, call a health line to learn about options and services in your area.

See call a healthline for local phone numbers.

With his permission, remove potentially dangerous objects (e.g., weapons) from his living area. This may even include medications – talk to him about holding onto them or keeping them someplace out of the way.

In case of a crisis, come up with a plan for what he will do – who he can call, which health-lines should be contacted, and where the nearest hospital is. Create a list of contacts that includes friends, family, and professionals for him to contact if he ever needs to. Make sure he is on board with the plan and understands it.