Doug's Story
Doug Host, a life coach from Langley, BC, helps men achieve growth and happiness, sharing his journey of overcoming ADHD, rebuilding relationships, and embracing resilience.
"Our ability to express what we’re going through isn’t optional—it’s essential."
About Doug:
I am a loving and loyal husband and father, adventure athlete, constitutional minimalist, and self-employed serial entrepreneur.
I work as a Performance Life Coach dedicated to helping men achieve their personal and professional goals using the latest tools and insights from the field of positive psychology.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY?
The biggest turning point was taking total ownership of my life and results.
I had somehow gone from being married in a long-term relationship with teenage children, self-employed, active, engaged, socially supported, and anchored at home with my family, to being alone, with broken relationships with my children. I was shocked, dismayed, and in disbelief as I faced isolation.
I felt detached from the person that I was before. My former life was gone and I had forgotten all my great memories of friends, family, and life. Worst of all is that I was uncertain of who I was and I hated my “brand”. Life had shifted under my feet and I was off balance. Everything that I used to have felt like the distant past.
I was a poster child for what it looks like to live with unrecognized/undiagnosed Adult ADHD. At my worst, I struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, excessive risk taking, low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotional volatility. I was living apart from my wife and children, and I remember being trapped in a swirl of negative emotions including feeling lonely, confused, disillusioned, inadequate, ashamed, and downright miserable.
Eventually, I realized that while I could not control everything that happened to me, I could always control how I responded.
The next breakthrough came when I embraced the idea that happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a process and a skill that can be learned. I figured that if I were learning, growing, and making progress, I could rebuild my life and my own sense of purpose and fulfillment.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
Taking Ownership
- Adopting the mindset that I alone was responsible for my life, enabled me to stop blaming external circumstances and start taking meaningful action.
Building Self-Awareness
- Reading, journaling, building my emotional intelligence, and practicing mindfulness daily helped me recognize patterns in my thoughts, feelings, and behavior, enabling me to make better decisions.
Paying Attention to Variability
- Building mindfulness and self-awareness helped me notice when I felt better and what contributed to those moments, giving me tools to duplicate those experiences.
Shifting My Perspective
- Recognizing that my emotions were shaped more by my thoughts than external circumstances enabled me to challenge and reframe negative thinking patterns.
Developing a Routine
- Establishing consistent habits for exercise, nutrition, and reflection created a foundation for my long-term mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health.
Practicing Self-Compassion
- Learning to treat myself with kindness and patience, rather than harsh criticism, made it easier to keep moving forward even when I stumbled.
Reaching Out
- Joining Toastmasters, playing hockey again, and doubling down on my most important social and family relationships all contributed to me becoming more socially resilient and whole.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING TO IMPROVE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH?
As men, many of us were never taught how to talk about our feelings—we’ve been conditioned to see vulnerability as weakness rather than strength. But the truth is, vulnerability is not a flaw; it’s a pathway to healing and growth.
Our ability to express what we’re going through isn’t optional—it’s essential. When every voice in your head tells you to withdraw, that’s precisely when you need to reach out. We often suffer silently, burdened by shame and feelings of inadequacy, but we don’t have to carry that weight alone.
Take ownership of your life and your healing journey—it’s the most empowering choice you can make. It is true that your emotions are not determined solely by your circumstances but by how you interpret them. Adopt a positive focus and challenge yourself to reframe negative self-talk and pay attention to the moments, however brief, when you feel a little lighter. Those moments hold clues to what helps you thrive. Build an emotional vocabulary so you can name and express your feelings in a healthy way rather than suppressing them, numbing out, or venting explosively.
Remember, growth—not money, social status, influence, popularity, or perfection—is the key to lasting happiness. Every small step forward matters. Commit yourself to continuous self-reflection and learning so you can uncover the blind spots that are holding you back. And most importantly, know that you’re not alone. Reaching out for support—whether to a trusted friend, a trained life coach or therapist, or a community—is one of the strongest, most courageous actions you can take.
And lastly, remind yourself that you have the power to rebuild your life, to grow, and to find meaning and joy again. Remember that those of us that have moved through the darkest moments and emerged stronger on the other side are uniquely positioned to help others do the same, and to live a more resilient and connected life.
– Doug Host, Langley, BC, Canada