Wesley's Story
After losing his wife to cancer, Wesley rebuilt his life as a father. He shares how purpose, talking, and simply showing up helped him recover.
"Talk to someone, even if you don’t know exactly what to say."
About Wesley:
My name is Wesley Lodder. I’m a widowed father from London, Ontario, and the author of Learning to Stay: From Instability to Responsibility. My story includes overcoming addiction, caring for my wife Emily through cancer, losing her in 2020, raising my son, and rebuilding my life after loss. I now share my experiences in the hope that something I’ve lived through might help another man realize he isn’t alone and that life can be rebuilt.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR RECOVERY?
The biggest turning point for me was realizing that I couldn’t keep waiting for life to become easier before I started living again. After losing my wife Emily to cancer, I still had my son depending on me, and I knew I had to find a way forward. I started focusing less on trying to fix everything at once and more on simply getting up, taking responsibility for the day in front of me, and continuing to show up.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
My son and having a purpose
- Being a father gave me a reason to get up when I didn’t always have one for myself.
- My son still needed his dad, regardless of what I was going through.
- Taking care of him helped me understand that my life still had purpose.
Learning to talk instead of shutting down
- For years I was used to handling things myself and keeping a lot inside.
- Opening up to people I trusted helped me realize I didn’t have to carry everything alone.
- Talking about what I had been through eventually became part of my healing.
Routine and continuing to show up
- I stopped expecting myself to fix my entire life at once.
- Work, parenting and everyday responsibilities gave my days structure.
- On difficult days I focused on the next thing I needed to do. That eventually became the idea I live by today: Keep Showing Up.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS STRUGGLING WITH THEIR MENTAL HEALTH?
Don’t try to carry everything by yourself just because you think you’re supposed to be strong. Talk to someone, even if you don’t know exactly what to say. Some days getting through the day is enough, and you can build from there. I’ve learned that you don’t have to have your whole life figured out to take the next step. Just keep showing up.
Wesley Lodder
London, Ontario, Canada
Wesley’s book, available on Amazon, is called Learning to Stay: From Instability to Responsibility.