“Being a Man” shouldn’t come at the expense of happiness

Feeling like you’re not “man enough”? This quick quiz helps you see how masculine expectations might be stressing you out.

THE STRESS OF “BEING A MAN”

Most men feel some pressure to live up to society’s expectation of “being a man”. We may not recognize it consciously, but that pressure can always be there, influencing our behaviour and emotions in different ways.

For men in most Western societies, these expectations, or “masculine norms”, tend to refer to:

  • Making enough money to feel “successful”.
  • Appearing tough and stoic (and hiding sadness or fear).
  • Appearing strong, confident, and in control.
  • Dominating or taking charge in work, relationships, or social situations.
  • Avoiding behaviours seen as “feminine”, like showing any kind of vulnerability, doing household chores, or asking for emotional support.
  • Proving masculinity through competition, risk-taking, or physical strength.

In some cases, these expectations can drive and motivate us in healthy ways; they might encourage us to step up and take a proactive role in our community, to give up unhealthy habits and pick up positive routines, to work hard to support ourselves and others, or to push through difficult situations when needed.

But when these expectations become too rigid or we feel like we can’t live up to them, they can create gender role stress.

HOW “GENDER ROLE STRESS” SHOWS UP

Gender role stress refers to the stress that men experience when they feel that they aren’t living up to their own or others’ perceptions of what it means to “be a man”. It can show up as lower self-esteem, self-criticism, shame, frustration, anger, or risky behaviours as we try to “prove” our masculinity to ourselves and others.[1]

Guys might feel reluctant to ask for help, particularly for their mental health or personal struggles, due to social pressure to “tough it out” or not appear weak, and might not even be consciously aware of this social pressure.

If a guy feels his status is threatened, it’s possible he’ll react with violence or aggression as a way of reasserting dominance or deflecting attention away from perceived weakness, without fully understanding where these feelings may come from.

MASCULINE GENDER ROLE STRESS TEST

The brief self-check below assesses the stress that men experience in situations in which they breach traditional masculine standards of behaviour. This means that the higher your score is, the more you are facing stress as a result of not sticking to strict masculine norms.

After you complete the check, we’ll break down your results and give you some feedback on how to reduce gender role stress and build a healthier version of masculinity that works for you, not against you.

Disclaimer

This assessment is based on the Masculine Gender Role Stress Scale (MGRSS), a psychometrically-validated assessment that is used in clinical and research settings to screen stress related to perceptions of masculinity.  

This assessment tool should not be used on its own for any kind of self-diagnosis. You may wish to save or print your results to share with your primary healthcare provider as a way of starting a conversation.

Privacy

This survey is anonymous and does not collect directly identifying information. However, under BC’s Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act (FIPPA), some demographic data may still be considered personal information.

Responses are securely stored on Canadian servers and used only for research and content development. For questions, contact [email protected].

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References

  1. Eisler, R. M., & Skidmore, J. R. (1987). Masculine gender role stress: Scale development and component factors in the appraisal of stressful situations. Behavior Modification, 11(2), 123-136. https://doi.org/10.1177/01454455870112001