Evan's Story
Working in Arctic communities, Evan faced intense isolation and loneliness. He shares what helped most.
"We all experience loneliness"
Working in the Arctic is a unique experience—living at the top of the world offers plenty of unique experiences and challenges. For many men, the darkness of winters and the long sun-filled summers can take a toll on the mind, body and soul.
Over my three years working in Arctic communities, without my knowing, my health began to deteriorate. At first, it was subtle, but as the isolation and loneliness of my work set in, I became more and more withdrawn from the world, and less and less of myself. I didn’t want to believe it, but as friends and family started to notice the changes in my behaviour, I couldn’t continue to ignore it.
Recognizing that shift and its effect made all the difference. I sought help, reached out to friends regularly and fought every symptom I could see, and those that others were brave enough to point out to me. As COVID magnified my isolation, I turned towards hobbies that I could do without the need for others. I found that at times what made my loneliness and isolation worse was when I couldn’t relate to people, or its effect spilled into relationships that couldn’t cope with it. It was by no means easy, but as I saw the tolls loneliness took on others, I endeavoured to find peace for myself and, through it, find a community where I could share in my wins along with my struggles.
Rekindling a love for painting models might seem silly at first, but it saved my life in many ways. For one, it helped me keep my sanity. It gave my loneliness an outlet and channelled my isolation into productive time that produced tangible, real results. I could see myself getting better with every model. Each one building up a piece of myself.
When I think back on those moments, and the help I received from friends, a few lessons stand out:
- There is no shame in the effects of loneliness. No one is immune to it, whether you are surrounded by people or at the end of the world in literal isolation. It can affect anyone at any point in their life.
- While having friends and socializing is great, it doesn’t solve the symptoms of loneliness by itself; you need to find ways to spend time alone, with healthy outlets, whether it’s reading, exercising, or painting! Making time for yourself is perfectly normal. Being afraid to be alone only magnifies the effects of loneliness.
- We all experience loneliness; how we all deal with it is different, but not dealing with it can be devastating.
- Reach out to friends, find new communities to be a part of, try something you’ve always wanted to try – but also be mindful that not everyone, or every community, is the right fit for your needs, so don’t be discouraged and keep trying until you find a place where you feel better as a person.
- Lastly, seek professional help, don’t be afraid to admit that you aren’t yourself; sometimes just that is enough to carve out space for yourself to heal and cope with what you are going through. New perspectives and treatment can save you years of despair and even your life.
Better Together
This post is part of Better Together, a collaboration between HeadsUpGuys and The Scooty Fund to address loneliness in men.