Building a Healthier Body Image: A Practical Guide for Men

When we feel unhappy with our bodies, it doesn’t mean we’re vain or self-obsessed. Usually, it reflects how often and in what ways we’re comparing ourselves to others.

It’s very common for men to feel some body dissatisfaction, with concerns most commonly appearing around:

Weight
Muscle mass and definition
Height
Penis Size
Balding and Hair Loss

Details about these specific concerns can be found on our page on Male Body Image Issues.

The strategies below focus on reducing harmful comparisons and developing a healthier perspective of your body over time:

Stop comparing yourself to others

Most body dissatisfaction comes from the comparisons we make with the “idealized” appearances of others. In many areas in life, it can be useful to have positive examples we can aspire to, but we also need to recognise the difference between healthy aspirations and those that are unrealistic and/or unattainable.^[1,2]
Repeated comparisons with others we think are “better” than us in some way will almost always make us feel worse about ourselves.
It’s unrealistic to completely eliminate these comparisons, but if we can catch ourselves in the act, try naming it internally (“I’m comparing right now”) and either reframing or redirecting that thought. For example:

Friend is leaner / more defined

“He has way more discipline than me.”

“I don’t know his full routine or priorities. I’m working toward what’s sustainable for me.”

Comparing penis size to pornography

“I’m probably below average.”

“Porn exaggerates and selects for extremes. I wouldn’t compare my body to a professional performer in any other field. When it comes to sex, connection matters more than size.”

At the gym lifting less than someone else

“Everyone can tell I’m weaker.”

“Everyone here is focused on themselves. Strength is built over time. Showing up consistently is what matters.”

Limit social media use

Social media platforms are optimized for advertising, often playing on insecurities to sell products.
Limiting your exposure to the unrealistic images on social media will reduce how often you make unconscious comparisons to your own life, and give you a more grounded sense of your own body.
If you notice specific accounts, images, or patterns that make you feel bad about yourself, try curating your feed to remove these negative influences.

Practice gratitude

Try shifting your focus toward all the things your body allows you to do, rather than how it looks. Consider the ways your body supports your daily life, relationships, and experiences.
Remember that some of the richest, best looking, most “successful” people in the world can still feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Peace, contentment, and happiness do not come from having the best looks or most money.
A gratitude mindset puts you in a better position to enjoy life and make the most of the opportunities that come your way.

Focus on self-compassion

At its simplest, self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and respect that you would offer to a close friend. If you wouldn’t criticize or judge them because of their bodies, why judge yourself by different standards?
Studies have found that men who practice self-compassion, particularly mindfulness, feel better about their bodies.^[3]
Remember that many things that people see in themselves as ‘physical flaws’ are not seen this way by others at all.

Find a (positive) support group

This doesn’t need to be a group that is specific to men’s body image. This is any group who sees you and values you for who you are, and affirms your lifestyle and body as it is.
Loneliness and a lack of connection are closely associated with both low self-esteem and negative body image. This low self-esteem can then make it even harder for us to form and maintain connections. If you feel like you’re withdrawing from others, reaching out may be difficult, but it’s an important step.

Avoid negative spaces

A lot of online forums focused on male body image actually tend to reinforce and amplify negative feelings. It can be easy to get drawn into them, but spaces that discuss “looksmaxxing”, “facial ratios”, or other hyper-specific aspects of aesthetic “standards” are extremely detached from reality and very harmful.
Going deeper into these spaces only pulls you further away from the contentment that is found in a healthy sense of self and genuine connection with others.
It can also be helpful to limit time around people or environments that constantly reinforce appearance-based judgement. Where possible, setting boundaries, changing routines, or actively disengaging from such people or environments can help. Importantly, this doesn’t mean giving up healthy activities you enjoy.

Making Healthy Choices

While learning to accept things we cannot change is important, we may still want to work within our ability to develop physically healthy habits. This is great as long as it is done from a place of self-affirmation and positive intention:

Remove unhelpful influences

Feeling bad about yourself or constantly comparing yourself negatively to others isn’t a healthy or effective source of motivation for physical activity. It’s important to remove unhelpful influences that aren’t doing your mental or physical health any favours. If you’re making a change, do it for yourself.

Skinny ≠ Healthy

Someone who is thin, lean, or muscular is not necessarily physically healthy, just as someone with a BMI over 25 (technically “overweight”) isn’t necessarily unhealthy. Try to separate crude measurements of weight, size, and shape from your concepts of beauty and health. Think about how you physically feel, rather than how you look.

Start (really) small

Most diets and exercise programs fail because they’re unsustainable. If you want to lose weight or get more physically active, it’s best to start really small, and focus on the process rather than the end goal. That means focusing on meeting the small day-to-day targets and trusting that change will take place over time. We have an article on building habits that offers a step-by-step guide on how to get started.

When to Seek Further Help

Some level of body image discomfort or dissatisfaction is very common among men. If you’re not sure how much of an impact your body image is having on your mental health, our self-assessment tool can give you an idea of whether it’s in your best interest to reach out to a therapist or take other action.

Body Image Self-Check

Additionally, when body image struggles begin to take the form of clinical symptoms such as bingeing and purging, severe food restriction, compulsive exercise, or intrusive, distressing thoughts about specific body parts, it may indicate an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder. If you recognize any of these in yourself, seeking help from a qualified therapist or doctor is an important next step.

Find a therapist

Next Steps:

Our self-guided course on Rewiring Negative Thoughts walks through the steps of cognitive restructuring, a powerful technique that can help us take control of our thoughts, emotions, and overall mindset.

This course includes interactive exercises and examples that make it easier for us to apply these techniques in our everyday life.

Start Rewiring Negative Thoughts Course

References:

Wood, J. V. (1989). Theory and research concerning social comparisons of personal attributes. Psychological Bulletin, 106(2), 231-248. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.106.2.231
Galioto, R., & Crowther, J. H. (2013). The effects of exposure to slender and muscular images on male body dissatisfaction. Body Image, 10(4), 566–573.
Maher, A. L., Lane, B. R., & Mulgrew, K. E. (2021). Self-compassion and body dissatisfaction in men: Extension of the tripartite influence model. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 22(2), 345-353. https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000271

Building a Healthier Relationship With Your Body