Matt's Story
Matt shares what he's learned from his own recovery process, and how he's bringing that forward to encourage other men and show them they're not alone.
"Remember, you suffer alone, but we can struggle together, and I will take struggle over suffer every day of the week"
About Matt:
I’m a founder, author, and speaker passionate about wellbeing, self-love and the small moments that help people feel grounded. Through my company Placemaking 4G, my book “I Love You, I Trust You, I’m Proud of You”, my recent TEDx talk, and a mental health initiative I helped found to support athlete mental health and support, I work with leaders, organizations and communities to strengthen belonging, self-reflection and support mental health.
My purpose is to lead courageously toward love, making it okay for people to show up for themselves and each other.
What was the major turning point in your mental health recovery?
Recovery for me is a process, not a one and done thing – as I’m sitting in this answer I’m thinking of multiple turning points:
- My son saying “papa, I just want you to be home.”
- Feedback from the TEDx from around the world as men resonate profoundly with the message.
- A debilitating panic attack that humbled me.
But mostly – the constant and most important thing is looking myself in the eyes in the mirror and telling myself “I love you, I trust you, I’m proud of you”…and living like it.
What are some things that really helped?
Working out/Exercise
- This may sound trite – but for me with ADHD, moving my body in the mornings is medicine. I don’t have to lift crazy weights or strive for PB’s all the time , but I need to move. I do functional strength work (kettle bells, rings, rowing, skipping) and feel strong.
Therapy
- I finally got out of my own way and got honest about the help I needed. I found an incredible therapist and surrendered to the process. It’s profoundly helpful.
- I realized that what I had referred to as “therapy” (music, peer groups, meditating etc.) was actually therapeutic – not therapy. That understanding helped me realize that therapeutic activities were part of the solution, but not the whole thing.
Radical, Raw Honesty in my Relationship
- Perhaps nothing has been more impactful. I’ve realized I’ve spent most of my life hiding parts of me, and when I shine light on the deepest darkest part of me and love them…it feels pure, terrifying and wonderful at once. Sharing this experience with my wife has brought us closer together. It’s vulnerable as fuck…but I think that may be where the magic happens.
Brotherhood
- I have had a complicated relationship with men, but leaning into brotherhood and masculine peer support has helped me stay accountable and hold others accountable. In my case it’s been through teammates from university, but whether it be friends, groups like BROTHR, sinking deep into meaningful masculine relationships has been powerful.
What advice would you give to other guys fighting mental health challenges?
You are not broken. You are navigating a wild time, a hard time, a challenging, but so are others. Remember, you suffer alone, but we can struggle together, and I will take struggle over suffer every day of the week, so reach out to a friend, a peer, a colleague, an organization, someone like me.
It’s not easy work, but it’s easy to start: find a mirror and not only looking at yourself in the mirror – but allow yourself to see yourself and love yourself fully is where it starts.
– Matt Thomson, Author, Speaker, & Founder, Dutch Settlement, NS, Canada