Rhys' Story
Rhys shares how taking responsibility, improving communication skills, and reaching out has helped him to help others as a life coach.
Just because you may not have the tools to “fix” the problems you have doesn’t mean you have to suffer in silence.
About Rhys
I’m Rhys Phillips, a Certified Professional Life Coach. I am originally from Wales in the UK. I started working there in local government, but ended up moving to the US, via South Africa where I was a safari guide, about 15 years ago.
I am working at the moment to expand my coaching business. I went through some massive life changing events and learned lessons the hard way. I want to help people avoid the discomfort I went through learning those lessons.
What was the major turning point in your mental health recovery?
Taking responsibility and asking for help. My main strategy previously was pretty much avoidance. I thought that pushing things down and keeping things controlled and inside was “processing things internally.” I realized too late that this wasn’t processing anything, just kicking the can down the road. Once I took responsibility for my own recovery and asked for help, everything changed. The anxiety and depression became quieter.
What are some things that really helped?
Therapy
- I was able to talk about things openly and in a safe space.
- I realized that the “internal processing” was delusional and the only way I was able to work though things was to talk about them. This gave these thoughts and feelings a place to go. It was almost like building new pathways.
- Allowed me to feel more comfortable expressing my emotions. Something I wasn’t able to do before
Taking Responsibility
- By looking back over things and taking responsibility for my part in things
- It is really easy to look back at issues and blame other people and make things entirely their fault. The victim mentality is a comfortable place to be because it doesn’t challenge you, and doesn’t encourage you to look inwards and take stock. It allows you to continue to use unhealthy habits in perpetuity.
Communicating and being open to communication
- It was really hard to become comfortable communicating honestly. I felt I didn’t have a safe space to do it.
- I also had big defense trigger when I had negative feedback. Being able to take a breath and not react was difficult initially. Once I was able to take a breath and not shut myself down by this defensiveness, I was able to have far more meaningful and healthy conversations.
- Creating the safe place was hard and something that was very uncomfortable. Advocating for myself and making my feelings/emotions as important as anyone else’s was difficult. Once I felt safe in creating this space I realized that it help immensely in allowing me to communicate my feelings and ironically led to less disagreements because I wasn’t just avoiding things
Staring My Life Coaching Business
- Once I had done the work and realized that most of the lessons I had learned the hard way weren’t actually that hard to learn. I became very frustrated that I had no one to talk to when I needed it most and that the “fixes” weren’t rocket science. I felt compelled to make sure nobody would have to go through the things I did when the “fixes” were right in front of my face.
- It is extremely cathartic because it allows me to see the difference it can make in someone’s life. It also helps me to continue my recovery as it makes me step out of myself and any preconceived ideas I may have.
- It gives me a sense of perspective and keeps me motivated to continue the work I need to do on myself
What advice would you give to other guys fighting mental health challenges?
Ask for help. Asking for help is not a weakness, but the complete opposite. Just because you may not have the tools to “fix” the problems you have doesn’t mean you have to suffer in silence. Admitting that you need help is the bravest thing you can do. I would do it in any other facet of life, why not with my mental health.
I often use this example with clients; if a pipe breaks and I don’t have the tools to fix it, I’d call someone who does, like a plumber. I wouldn’t just sit in my house watching the water level rise. The same thing applies to your own mental health. Nobody would see calling a plumber as a sign of weakness, so you shouldn’t see asking for help other places as a weakness either.
– Rhys Phillips, Life Coach, Cape Cod, MA, USA, and Wales, UK
@rhysowenphillips
| Rhys Phillips
| @rhys_phillips