Active Listening and Other Key Skills
Being a peer supporter is more about listening and understanding than it is about telling a guy how to get better.
Being a peer supporter is more about listening and understanding than it is about telling a guy how to get better.
When someone feels truly heard, without judgment, interruption, or dismissal, they are more likely to open up
Active listening is the core skill for effectively supporting someone struggling with their mental health because it creates a foundation of trust, safety, and validation. When someone is struggling with their mental health, they may feel isolated, ashamed, or unsure if anyone will understand. Active listening helps them feel validated and less alone. It builds trust and opens the door for deeper connection and healing.
Active listening is more than just hearing someone’s words, it’s about giving your full attention, understanding their message, and responding in a way that makes them feel heard, safe, and supported.
When someone feels truly heard, without judgment, interruption, or dismissal, they are more likely to open up and share what they’re going through. Active listening helps reduce feelings of isolation and shame by showing empathy and genuine care, which can be a powerful first step toward healing. It communicates, “You matter, and your experience matters”, often when someone needs to hear it most.
Give him your full focus to show you care.
How to do it:
Create a safe space for openness by listening without judgement, criticism, or evaluation.
How to do it:
Mirror what he is saying to show you’re engaged and trying to understand his point of view.
How to do it:
Ask gentle questions to make sure you truly understand what he is sharing, which helps communicate to him that he’s worth the effort.
How to do it:
Offer a brief overview of what you’ve heard to show that you’ve been following and to help him feel understood.
How to do it:
Offer your thoughts or experiences in a way that supports—not overshadows—the conversation.
How to do it:
While active listening sits at the very heart of effective peer support, there are other key skills to develop to make the most out of your efforts to support someone who is struggling with their mental health. These include:
Empathy and Validation:
Empathy is showing that we understand and feel some of what the other person feels. It’s saying with our attitude and words, ‘Your feelings make sense given what you’re going through.’
Validation might sound like, “It’s completely understandable you felt hurt by that situation. I think anyone would feel upset in your shoes.” We avoid trivializing or judging. Even if we might have handled it differently, we acknowledge that their emotions are real and valid.
Sharing your Experiences Wisely:
Part of peer support is sharing our own experiences, but it takes skill to do in a helpful way. We need to make sure we are sharing to help the other person, not to shift the focus to ourselves or one-up the conversation. A good rule is to share briefly and keep the relevance clear.
For example, if your friend or colleague talks about struggling with alcohol use, you might mention something like, “Yeah, those first few days without drinking were the hardest for me too. I remember not being able to sleep well at all.” Empathic and judicious self-disclosures help build trust.
Guiding, but not Leading:
In peer support, we’re careful not to turn into advice-givers or problem-solvers who tell others what to do. Remember, we’re learning together, not fixing each other.
This is called a non-directive approach, meaning we might suggest options or share what worked for us, but we don’t give orders. We respect each person’s right to choose their path.
For instance, instead of saying, “You should confront your boss, that’s the only way”, we could say, “When I had trouble with my boss, I decided to talk to them directly, which helped. But I’ve also heard others who chose to transfer departments. There are a few ways you could handle it. What feels right for you?”
By doing this, we empower the person we’re helping to make his own decisions, while providing the benefit of our perspective. We don’t try to tell someone how to live their life.
Maintaining Emotional Safety:
Emotional safety means creating a trusting environment where both people feel safe to be honest. We maintain confidentiality (if the person tells us something private, we don’t share it with others without his permission).
We also set a tone of respect: no shaming, blaming, or pressuring. If a topic is too sensitive, we respect each other’s boundaries. We also remain aware of our reactions. If we find ourselves getting overwhelmed, it’s okay to gently pause or suggest a break (“I’m just taking a moment because what you shared is really powerful. I’m still with you, though.”). The idea is that we protect the space as a judgment free, supportive zone.
Patience and Understanding:
Remember that mental health challenges affect a person’s mood, thoughts, and behaviour. Some days, they’re simply not going to be themselves, and instead might be irritable, down, or withdrawn. This has got nothing to do with you, or them rejecting your help.
There is no quick fix for mental health challenges like depression or anxiety. The recovery process takes time. You’re less likely to get frustrated with, or give up on your friend, if you’re aware that healing requires time. Also, there are going to be bumps along the road.