Tibor's Story
Tibor shares how reaching out about his mental health struggles helped him to overcome them and find a pathway back to light and colour.
"Even when it is hard, believe in this. Believe in yourself. One day, you will wake up and learn that you are allowed to be happy again"
About Tibor:
Hello! My name is Tibor. I am 32 years old and a high school teacher from Germany. I am working on a comprehensive guide to overcoming depression as a (still) young adult.
Since the age of 15, I have gone through several depressive episodes. I often felt deeply ashamed of them and blamed myself for what I was going through. I am currently recovering from what I hope will be my last episode. Next year, I plan to train as a telephone crisis counselor. I want to be there for people who are facing similar struggles, because no one should ever have to go through this alone.
What was the major turning point in your mental health recovery?
It took me almost a year to admit that I wasn’t doing well. I was plagued by intrusive thoughts and had several psychological counseling sessions in the fall. After a few of those sessions, I believed I was fine again, but I was wrong.
Shortly before Christmas, I had a panic attack. I was terrified that I would lose my job and my life. I could no longer see a future, and my thoughts grew very dark. I stopped seeing colors and lost my sense of self-worth. My perception deceived me into believing that all of this was true, that this illness was who I was and that it would last forever. I was afraid of being alone. All my friends were starting families, and I felt like a failure because I believed I had been left behind. Saturdays were especially hard. I dreaded them and could no longer look forward to them. I stopped enjoying being around people and preferred to stay at home, needing quiet and distance from the world. My friends had no idea what I was going through.
That changed when I finally opened up to them. They, in turn, shared that they had gone through similar struggles themselves. That moment was a breakthrough. I realized that I was not alone, and within me grew a strong desire to support others. That is why I am writing these lines.
I realized it was time to seek long-term help and to take responsibility for my own healing. Slowly, I began to understand that these thoughts were symptoms, not truths, and that recovery was possible. For the first time in a long while, I allowed myself to believe that there could be light again.
What are some things that really helped?
Talk to others
- I know this may sound hard, but open up. Talk to someone you trust, perhaps even someone who is trained to help. You don’t have to carry this on your own. Seeking help is not a weakness; it is a sign of great mental strength.
Sport and movement
- Regular physical activity and sports can act like natural antidepressants. I started lifting weights, playing squash, and going bouldering. It gives me a sense of fulfillment and genuinely makes me happy.
Be creative
- I began writing down my thoughts. I also write about what I still want to achieve, what I have already accomplished, what defines me, and what I still want to learn. It helps me organize myself and gain clarity.
- I also enjoy playing the guitar and processing my feelings through music. It allows me to express my emotions, and it is a deeply beautiful experience. Through it, I find my center again and feel myself very intensely. At the moment, I am bringing together a few friends to form a band, a long-held dream of mine.
Create a routine
- I cannot stress this enough: cook healthy meals, get enough sleep, exercise, pursue your hobbies, and most importantly, take plenty of rest. Try new things, and if you are religious, thank God every day for the progress you make. This is the key.
What advice would you give to other guys fighting mental health challenges?
It will not last forever. You must remind yourself of this again and again. The illness wants to convince you that it will. But once you begin to understand how it works, it will start to lose its power over you. And never give up. Never.
Life can be ugly at times, but if you choose to walk this difficult path and refuse to give up, you will see it. The light. The colors. The emotions that were suppressed for so long and seemed buried. They were never gone, they were always there, just out of reach. And that is worth fighting for.
Of course, I am still afraid that it might come back. But now I am prepared, and I can see how deeply worth living life truly is. That alone is worth fighting for, and for getting back up again and again. Even when it is hard, believe in this. Believe in yourself. One day, you will wake up and learn that you are allowed to be happy again
– Tibor, Saarbrücken, Saarland, Germany