Section Four: Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting others can be rewarding, but it can also be emotionally demanding. It’s crucial that we take care of our own mental health if we want to be at our best when helping others.

We’ll explore setting boundaries and other self-care strategies that will help ensure that peer support remains a positive, growth-oriented experience for everyone involved.

Self-Care Matters

Supporting someone else doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental health. In fact, you’re only able to be truly helpful if you’re also taking care of yourself. When you prioritize your own well-being:

• You’re more emotionally available and clear-headed
• You can maintain a sense of balance and objectivity
• You avoid burnout and compassion fatigue
• You model healthy behaviour and boundaries

Recognizing the signs of burnout

Even the most compassionate and committed supporters have limits. If we’re not careful about our own self-care, burnout can creep up. Signs include:

• feeling irritable or impatient with the people we’re trying to help
• feeling exhausted
• dreading interactions with the person we’ve been supporting
• feeling numb and unable to empathize

If we notice these signs, it’s time to step back and recharge, or even temporarily take a break from providing peer support. Remember, it’s okay to say, “I need to take some time for my own mental health”. Taking some time off from being a support pillar can rejuvenate us. During that time, we focus on ourselves. It could even be worthwhile to be on the receiving end of peer or professional support.

It’s important to know that asking for help as a peer supporter is not a failure. We all need support at times. By ensuring we’re well, we can come back to peer support roles with fresh energy and compassion.

Setting healthy boundaries

Establishing boundaries is critical for ensuring that you don’t become overwhelmed when supporting someone. A boundary is like an imaginary line that protects our time, energy, and emotional well-being.

Think of boundaries like the safety instructions on an airplane – you put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Setting limits doesn’t mean you care less; it means you’re planning to be there for the long haul.

When providing support to another person, we might take on too much responsibility for others’ well-being, feel unsure about where our role ends, or absorb too much emotional pain from those we support. Boundaries help ensure that we know the limits of our role and that we don’t get overwhelmed. Below are some important boundaries to be mindful of and how to manage them:

• Time Boundaries: It’s important to be realistic about how much time we can devote to supporting others, and communicate that in a kind manner. We might say something like:
  • “Our talks are important to me. I want to be able to give you my full attention, which is hard late at night. Let’s try to stick to phone calls before 8pm.”

Or, we might commit to one afternoon a week and not feel guilty for saying ‘no’ to more. Having set times (and time limits, like an hour per talk) can prevent us from feeling over-burdened.

• Emotional Boundaries: Sometimes, a guy we’re supporting may be dealing with issues that might hit too close to home or are too heavy for us to handle. If these come up it’s okay to recognize this and let the guy know. We can steer conversations gently or be honest if needed.
  • For example, it’s alright to say, “I’m so sorry you went through that. I want to support you, but I’m noticing I’m getting a bit overwhelmed talking about this. Can we take a breather or maybe talk about coping with the feelings it brings up, rather than the details? I hope that’s okay.”
  • This way, we’re guiding the support in a direction that we can handle. It’s also okay to suggest additional help: “This feels serious. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this? I’ll support you however I can, and a therapist might provide another layer of help.”
• Role Boundaries: Remember that we are peers, not therapists or saviours. Our role is to share, listen, and encourage, not to solve someone’s problems or be available 24/7. If we sense someone is becoming overly reliant on us (like calling us for every concern or not taking steps to help themselves), we might need to gently reinforce their independence.
  • We could say, “I notice I’m the first person you reach out to when things go wrong. I care about you, but I also want to make sure you have a few different supports to lean on. Who else could you possibly contact? Maybe we can think of a backup plan for times when I’m not available.”

It can feel hard to say that, but it’s actually empowering for them to build a broader support network, and it takes pressure off us.

Additional Self-Care Strategies

Self-care isn’t about being selfish. It’s about being smart. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t be strong for someone else if you’re falling apart yourself. If we burn out, we compromise our own well-being and our ability to help anyone else. Below are some helpful strategies for looking after yourself when supporting someone:

• Try a Debrief: After we’ve been supporting someone through a heavy situation, we might carry some of that emotion. Find a healthy way to release it. Since confidentiality is key, we can’t share all the details with another friend. But we can speak in general terms to a trusted confidant.
  • You could say something like, “I had a really intense talk with someone today and it brought up a lot for me. I can’t share any specifics, but I wonder if I could just share some of the challenges that I’m encountering?”

If no such person is available, journaling is another option (writing down what happened, how we felt, and providing a literal “releasing” of our emotion onto paper). Some peer supporters also debrief with a therapist, if they have one, who can provide professional guidance while respecting privacy.

• Engage in Restorative Activities: It’s really helpful to identify what recharges us and make it a regular part of our routine. It could be as simple as taking a walk in nature, meditating, drawing or painting, playing a musical instrument, sitting in a sauna, or having a relaxing shower. Physical activities can be particularly helpful, because stress lives in the body. A run, workout, or even just some light stretching can help remove built up tension.

Wrap Up

Supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health is one of the hardest things you can do, but it can also be really rewarding. It requires strength, patience, empathy, and compassion. By understanding how to take care of yourself while helping someone, you’ll reduce the risk of having your own health compromised and be better positioned to provide support to others.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show up consistently while maintaining your own health and well-being. It’s not selfish, it’s smart – and exactly what the person you’re supporting needs from you.